If It’s The Last Time

[Inspired by Red Dead Redemption 2 – Warning: Spoiler]

As I watch some wild boars devastating the grass at the far end of the forest, I stay here, wondering if smallpox do the same kind of mayhem in my lungs than those wild animals makes in the forest. It probably looks like that in there, like a tornado just have passed.

Coughing blood after every intense activity, seeing myself, my body, weakened, this is probably the end, or at least, this is very close to it.

What’s left of me? A child that die after three hours of being born. And a wife, well, a «should have been wife» that do everything to forget me, friends that I will leave in need, a father figure going mad and a country that is changing way, way too much and way too fast.

Everyone keep telling me that I am a good man, that there is a side of me that is kind but it’s being overshadowed by the evil side, the one that keep thinking and hanging on a lifestyle that doesn’t belong in this new era we are entering in.

What a life, I had a good run. What happen to me is payback for all the ill I’ve done. There is a justice after all. At least, It’s look like it. This is at the very moment that death is around the corner that I finally realise that I have spent my time chasing ghost. And I have left a pile of dreadful things along the way.

What matter to me was nature, the Wild West, the anarchy and the poison of every god damn man in this world, money!

Damn! Money can’t buy me new lungs!

I wish I could have spent more time with that old Native American, riding next to him to the top of the mountain where is used to meditate and think.

Thinking! I have forgotten how to think! Like a raging bull, I’ve been going through life without planning what was waiting for me at the end. And the crash is my illness.

It’s all about love life isn’t it? What’s make us truly happy, for real? Have you noticed how falling in love was the most incredible and powerful things you could experience? It’s… rejuvenating! It’s something that bound us all, human beings. Everything seems pale next to being in love.

We don’t necessarily do great things when we are in love either, but at least, we do it for the most beautiful reason.

I had the chance to love and to be loved. That was a short period of my life, but the happiest one.

Years have gone by so fast! So fast! I always knew I will die young or, at least, not old. I was afraid to be old. And now, I wish I had this opportunity to grow old. Even alone, you don’t need someone to be happy, really.

If I could choose, I would have been a rancher. For once in my life, being stable. Here comes the time when the body can’t travel or being on the run, he can’t handle it anymore.

I would have had horses, cattle, a dog and a cat.

I would smoke a cigar on my porch, drinking whisky as I watch the sun set. Until I die.

But this kind of death isn’t for me, sadly.

The boars are now gone.

And I’m going on my last ride.

I’ll miss nature.

Maybe the other side, if there is one, is ready to welcome me. I hope so at least. I hope whatever decide our faith over here will see the good side of me, if there is one.

Can’t even take one good last breath, I guess I’m punished now to rest peacefully later.

I hope. Some people say faith is more important than anything. If think not. Love is.

Hope keep us going and love give us a purpose and a meaning.

Goodbye.

Jaskiers

Publicité

Ode To A Redemption (A Poem)

FYI: I am not fluent in English, I’m trying to be at least. Sorry for the potentials mistakes. Feel free to correct me in the comment section.

—

This poem was inspired by Red Dead Redemption 2

Once there was a time
we would have kill for a dime.

No past,
forget the West,
here in the East,
feel like an undesirable guest.
No laugh, just pain,
pest,
and death.

Dreams of majestic beast in the wild,
a free roaming stag.
Everybody here is out of their minds.

Get on horses, run free,
no responsibilities,
no duties.
Just you and me.

It feels like the past,
come at me too fast.

How did we end up here ?
Starting to regret a lifestyle that I’d used to love.
Opened my eyes, should have been with you.
Give each other another shot,
I don’t have much left,
how could I dare,
express myself,
after so many lives destroyed,
by my own hands.

I am ashamed,
and scared.
But I’m waiting for no heaven
‘cause on Earth, I acted like a demon.
I am ready, to join the devil.

This is too easy,
to say sorry,
to ask for forgiveness.

They’re some things you simply can not change,
no going back,
nor going further,
until the end.

I’m roting from the inside,
the mad men I am,
show itself in the outside.

I will not lie,
I had good times,
the ones with you.

You’ll see me next,
six feet under the dirt,
if I have the chance,
to end it all,
with some honor.

As I try to make peace with my God,
I know, coming from me,
this is odd,
Thousand of questions,
starting all with why.
I’ll never have the answer,
I just have to tell you my goodbyes.

Your on my mind,
you were more precious,
than every gold I’ve stolen.
I guess this is the moment,
when we’re about to leave this life,
that everything seem so simple.

Maybe I should forgive everyone,
to disappear,
but know that for you,
I would have gone
a hundred thousand miles,
just to see your eyes.

Maybe one more last kiss,
you’re all I’ve ever missed,
a relationship
gone in the mist.

What a savage I was,
running and ruining
the poisoned gift of a life. Living a lie.

Nothing makes sens,
civilisation is putting fences,
around a property,
working days and night,
weekly,
monthly,
yearly.

That wasn’t the kind of life I’ve ever wanted,
nor a life that I’ve lived.

On the run, constantly,
friends murdered,
the worries.
It took its toll,
on my mind,
on my soul.

I hope that for you, the future hold,
a respectable life,
happiness, that you don’t necessarily
find in dollar bills.

I’ve been hunting for it,
never had enough.
Was I addicted to violence ?
Sure.
You didn’t deserve that life,
no future,
a constant blur.

You’ll live the rest of your existence,
knowing I was yours once.

I hope that you’ll live fully,
proudly,
knowing that all along,
you were in my heart.

I was lucky,
to ride along with you,
even if it was on a rocky road.
Your love was priceless to me,
I was too proud,
to express it,
in front of you face.

I regret too much thing,
but now it’s times,
to go away,
to write down my last will, pay back no depts nor bills
and to spread my wings.

Jaskiers

Somewhere In The Middle Of Nowhere (A Short Story)

FYI: I am not fluent in English, I’m trying to be at least. Sorry for the potentials mistakes. Feel free to correct me in the comment section.

—

You know the saying : searching for a needle on a haystack?

Well, I am the needle, and the haystack is hundred and hundred of miles of snow, and I doubt someone will ever try to look for me, ever. They’re absolutely nothing except a gigantic blanket of thick white powder.

See, I’m an explorator, this isn’t my first time being all by myself, far, far away from civilisation.

But how the heck did I landed here you might ask.

Have you ever heard about the Dyatlov Pass mysterious incident?

If not, here the big lines for you : a bunch of experimented explorators take upon themselves to explore a deep, snowy and, of course, deserted area of the Oural in Russia in 1959.

Those guys never came back. When authorities finally decide to go search for them, they found a ripped tent, bloods, naked dead explorators, some badly injured, one near a tree with shredded feet, he probably tried to climb a pine tree, and the others are ether dead or missing.

They’ve investigated the area and they can’t explain what happened. A wild animal attack? No trace of bites nor lacerations. Lost? No! Like I said, those guys where experimented.

One of them going haywire? Probably.

Why naked? See, when you’re in serious hypothermia, something happens in your brain that make you loose your mind and confuse the coldness with hotness. And, in your tormented mind, you strip yourself from all of your clothes to try to cool yourself down. And you die. I’ve heard from survivors that hypothermia wasn’t the worse way to go. Once you lose your mind, the departing is painless. And, you know, the snow and the cold weather keep your body intact. So if you die in that way one day, your loved one will found your body preserved (if the snow hasn’t melted because wild animals and Mother Nature will feast on your body) and know that you departure was relatively peaceful.

Nah! Don’t thank me! I see the positive side of things whenever I can!

But wait, let’s go back to the dead explorators. What about this guy, found with atrocious injuries?

Well, this is not a normal thing. Did one of his comrade did this? Did he do that to himself ? Your guess is as good as mine.

During the investigation, some people living near the area said they saw a green light, a big one, flashing in the area where those poor dudes were supposed to be.

This wasn’t the first time they saw this flashing green light over there. And strange tales have been plaguing the area about what was behind this beam of light.

Military experiences? It’s Russia after all. they need to test their future death weapons somewhere! Every country as their own little testing ground for their weapons of mass destruction tries.

Those strange phenomena were occurring since a while back, from ways before the creation of weapons of mass destruction.

Those creepy tales where the reasons that this area was never explored.

What are those tales about? Strange creatures, strange noise… and like everything humanity can explain rationally, we blamed extraterrestrials beings.

And your truly narrator, respected mountain climber, explorator and all that jazz got caught in some stupid project.

Which was ; let’s try to understand once and for all the reasons of the death of these explorators.

We have gone, myself and five other adventurers, to fulfil this mission, sponsored by a big energy drink company, to solve these mystery.

At the beginning, all was fine. This isn’t mountain climbing. Just walking in deep snow for miles to a designated area, wich we reached.

While prepping for the night, we’ve heard this deep humming sound. It was resonating in our body.

And then the green light.

Screams. Of terror? Surprise? Excitment?

Well maybe, I remember swearing profusely until… I only remember being surrounded by green, a warm feeling and… nothing.

Until I woke up here, in the middle of nowhere. I have no clues about what happened to me or my pals nor where I am.

As I wrote those lines, I’m feeling very, very warm.

Too much warm !

I’ll take my cloths off, and go back to writing after cooling down.

I feel at peace.

Jaskiers

There’s A Killer On The Road (A Short Story)

FYI: I am not fluent in English, I’m trying to be at least. Sorry for the potentials mistakes. Feel free to correct me in the comment section.

—

« – Go now, let’s go !

• What the fuck happened over there, shit !
• Come on faster !
• Yeah, but will you tell me where are Tim and Bryan for Christ’s sake ?
• Dude, it’s all turned into a shit show in there !
• Well I guess I already know that because you came back alone ! What was those gunshots that I’ve heard ? It was supposed to be a fine calculated job, no victim !
• Dude, we thought we had it all under control. Everybody knew the plan and what he had to do but that… fucking security guard decided to be a hero ! Like he was paid enough to care about a robbery !
• If you let you guard down man, they’ll take you out for sure.
• What do you fucking know about a bank a robbery ! Shut the hell up and do your job, driving !
• Well excuse me for being worried about bringing home one dude instead of three ! What happened to them !
• Faster !
• I’m at full speed ! Get out if you think you could run faster you shit ! Answer me ! Where are Tim and Bryan ?!
• Tim got shot in the right shoulder by the security guard and Bryan was instantly killed by a bystander in the bank.
• What ? And you came out of it unharmed !
• Tim was badly injured but he could still fire his gun. We exchanged a copious numbers of bullets with the cops and the civilian. We killed the officer first, the bystander emptied is Smith&Wesson on us, Bryan took a bullet in the head… He died instantly. When the civilian started to reload, we took the opportunity to shower him with bullets and that wannabe hero died. Then, time started running out so Tim was guarding the civilians, I took care of the banker who opened the safe, took the money in my duffle bag and when I’ve came back, Tim was bleeding badly. I think that he had been hit sooner during the fire exchange with ether the civilian or the guard. At first, I’ve thought it was in the shoulder but he was hit in the left lung. Had to choose between him and the money so I’ve choose him but he refused and told me to go. To secure the money you see. He told me good luck and said he would cover my exit just in case someone decided to play hero… and here I am now.
• Fuck. For real ? Men you’re full of shit ! I knew you were a coward at the second I laid eyes on you !
• Men fuck you ! I did what had to be done !
• Come on, you could have carried Tim with you !
• Dude, I was literally carrying millions of dollars in a bag ! Money is heavy but you wouldn’t know this because you are our fucking gateway driver !
• Man, I can fire a gun, be careful with what you said ! Can’t believe you left Tim to get die or… Wait… shit ! Was he the one who fired his gun just before you came running to the car ?
• Yes I’ve told you, he was covering me !
• You fucking lier ! He was trying to shoot you because you’re the one who killed Bryan ! »

Rami died on the spot, shot by Aubrey.

« – You haven’t see that one coming isn’t it ? Getaway driver my ass ! »

Throwing the body out of the car, Aubrey drove West.

Nothing was going accordant to the plan, he saw the flashing lights of law enforcement cars reflecting on his rear view mirror.

Taking his handgun, he fired at the blinding lights. He received a salve of bullets as an answer.

The car stopped going forward almost immediately.

He had a two possibility now. Run or facing the cops.

To this day, the faith of the five million dollars is still unknown. But they’re tainted in blood, sweat, tears and betrayal, like every currency in this world.

Jaskiers

The old men and his old coat. (A short story in english)

[WARNING : I’M NOT FLUENT IN ENGLISH]

[Ceci est une petite histoire écrite en anglais, ou du moins, j’ai essayé]

—

He woke up, same things as always.

« Sadly » he would have told you.

He glance, like every morning, at his wedding picture placed on his bedside table. « Audrey was beautiful this summer day » you would have heard him muttered as he slowly get up from his bed.

Achille, his old labrador, come to lick his right hand. « He know my bones are failing me, he is very intelligent ».

He put the radio on, Bob Dylan just finished singing about his meeting with a tambourine man when he hear the unfamiliar voice of a news anchor. « I used to love listenning to this station because nobody speak ! Look like I’ll have to find a new one to listen to. »

While he struggle to pour his black coffee, he mumble again. « Looks like no one want to shut up nowadays, everyone have something to say and, worst of all, they wan’t to be heard ! We can’t live if we have to stop to listen to everyone griefs. »

He sat down at his kitchen table, his whole body shaking and let out a gasp of relieve when he is finaly seated.

If it would have been a regular morning, you would have seen Jim stiring his spoon in the coffee cup at the rythm of a random folksong. « The day Dylan put the electric on his shoudler, that’s the day the music ended, I tell you », He would have say. But no stiring today, the news anchor was speaking.

« This night, at 2 AM, the Goldiathy attacked his neighbour, Davolidy. The tension have been building for months between the two states. »

« Ah ! Hear that Achille ! War ! What mens are the best at ! Let’s hear some more Achille ! Let’s hear the reason for that war, you’ll see Achille, they always find a reason to start a war, but the real stupidity is the reason why they will continue to kill each other, listen ! »

« Poldummy, president of Goldiathy since 20 years, declared that they attacked Davolidy, stating a fear of aggression by the davolidien. The american intel warned the president of Davolidy of the bellicist project and probable aggression by the goldiathien since months. The multiple meetings between the two presidents seems to have not de-escalete the growing tension. »

« Hear that Achille my boy ! They attacked they’r neighbor by fear of being attacked first. That my boy, this is a very very normal and basic excuse to start a war ! Christ ! How stupid ! Ah ! But now, let’s listen how much damage have been done, listen, civilians, Achille, civilians, the ones who haven’t asked for nothing, listen, how much of them have been killed. What Achille ? Yes, you right, maybe some soldiers died but you see, the civilian often are the one dying first and, yes I tell you, they’re always civilians victims, most of the time, they’re is more dead civilians than dead soldiers. Listen ! »

« The first attack was by shelling on the davolydien capital, 10 civilians dead, 2 were kids, 100 hundred others injured. »

« See Achille see ! Hey you ! What ? Bing bang boum ! Why did you kill me ? I don’t know really, I just do what I’m told ! But am no soldier ! Can’t really control the bomb, my bad. »

« The davodylodiens president, Kelevenven, retaliated by ordering the bombing of the goldathien capital. 5 civilians dead. The world expressed they’re worries and stressed that both part should go back to diplomatie. But goldathien troups crossed the border and fierces fights are currently occuring at the… »

« You know sometimes Achille, I think history repeats itself like that… I don’t remember who said that but it’s true ! Yes, Achille we will go for our morning walk but do you know why I always wear that dirty ol’ coat ? No ? That’s the only things I’ve kept from my deployment in Vietnam. I threw away everything Achille, medals and all ! Useless ! That coat was usefull, still use it ! Audrey hated it ! She used to say that when I was wearing it, I didn’t looked like myself, that somehow, she probably felt this with that instinct womens have for seeing invisible things that affect mens, I acted differently when I was rocking it. Yeah I know let’s go ! Wait, one more thing Ulysse, do you know who won the Vietnam war ? Well, The deads ! Because they don’t have to endure life anymore ! And somehow, I’m sure, they ended up in heaven. Like Forgety used to sing, they were’nt fortunate sons. Anyway, enough rambling for today. Let’s walk ! »

The old man put on his old army jacket, who was laid on the chair next to him, and get up without difficulty, no more shaking, no more rambling about the pain.

He ties Ulysse on his leash, open the doors, the sun is bright, you could almost see his dark silhouette changing. His back straight up as he close the door with confidence.

Jaskiers