Ode To A Redemption (A Poem)

FYI: I am not fluent in English, I’m trying to be at least. Sorry for the potentials mistakes. Feel free to correct me in the comment section.

—

This poem was inspired by Red Dead Redemption 2

Once there was a time
we would have kill for a dime.

No past,
forget the West,
here in the East,
feel like an undesirable guest.
No laugh, just pain,
pest,
and death.

Dreams of majestic beast in the wild,
a free roaming stag.
Everybody here is out of their minds.

Get on horses, run free,
no responsibilities,
no duties.
Just you and me.

It feels like the past,
come at me too fast.

How did we end up here ?
Starting to regret a lifestyle that I’d used to love.
Opened my eyes, should have been with you.
Give each other another shot,
I don’t have much left,
how could I dare,
express myself,
after so many lives destroyed,
by my own hands.

I am ashamed,
and scared.
But I’m waiting for no heaven
‘cause on Earth, I acted like a demon.
I am ready, to join the devil.

This is too easy,
to say sorry,
to ask for forgiveness.

They’re some things you simply can not change,
no going back,
nor going further,
until the end.

I’m roting from the inside,
the mad men I am,
show itself in the outside.

I will not lie,
I had good times,
the ones with you.

You’ll see me next,
six feet under the dirt,
if I have the chance,
to end it all,
with some honor.

As I try to make peace with my God,
I know, coming from me,
this is odd,
Thousand of questions,
starting all with why.
I’ll never have the answer,
I just have to tell you my goodbyes.

Your on my mind,
you were more precious,
than every gold I’ve stolen.
I guess this is the moment,
when we’re about to leave this life,
that everything seem so simple.

Maybe I should forgive everyone,
to disappear,
but know that for you,
I would have gone
a hundred thousand miles,
just to see your eyes.

Maybe one more last kiss,
you’re all I’ve ever missed,
a relationship
gone in the mist.

What a savage I was,
running and ruining
the poisoned gift of a life. Living a lie.

Nothing makes sens,
civilisation is putting fences,
around a property,
working days and night,
weekly,
monthly,
yearly.

That wasn’t the kind of life I’ve ever wanted,
nor a life that I’ve lived.

On the run, constantly,
friends murdered,
the worries.
It took its toll,
on my mind,
on my soul.

I hope that for you, the future hold,
a respectable life,
happiness, that you don’t necessarily
find in dollar bills.

I’ve been hunting for it,
never had enough.
Was I addicted to violence ?
Sure.
You didn’t deserve that life,
no future,
a constant blur.

You’ll live the rest of your existence,
knowing I was yours once.

I hope that you’ll live fully,
proudly,
knowing that all along,
you were in my heart.

I was lucky,
to ride along with you,
even if it was on a rocky road.
Your love was priceless to me,
I was too proud,
to express it,
in front of you face.

I regret too much thing,
but now it’s times,
to go away,
to write down my last will, pay back no depts nor bills
and to spread my wings.

Jaskiers

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Waiting For The Sun In L.A. (A Short Story)

FYI: I am not fluent in English, I’m trying to be at least. Sorry for the potentials mistakes. Feel free to correct me in the comment section.

—

Ophelia lived in a downtown L.A. Her dreams place to live in.

Since very young, she wanted to become something. Someone different than her mother and father. All the kids got dreams, and a lot of them wish to become a star, a singer, an actor. Being worshipped, being rich, living in a huge mansion. Then they grow up and reality strikes their little beliefs and put them back into reality.

For some, the dream still holds firmly in their mind. They don’t want to give up, not now, not while they are still young and have time to progress, learn and work for them. It often take an early calling, a long-time practice to become successful.

You also have to make connection, travel to the place where the important peoples lives and hang out.

That’s what Ophelia had planned. She could sing, dance and act. She was an attractive young, white girl, blonde hair and blue eyes. She had success in that little conservative town of her in Minnesota. She discovered at this small town how powerful the power of beauty is, especially on men.

She took advantage of few of them, but this was for a good cause. She would not forget them once at the top of Hollywood.

The young women borrowed money to pay for acting class, acting turned out to be more complicated and subtle that Ophelia first thought. She kept working hard, but never had the feeling of self-satisfaction. From her own perspective, her progress in acting wasn’t satisfying. She still had her look for herself, the thing that will gave her Hollywood on a plate. At least that what’s Ophelia believed. Hollywood was the sanctuary of body-worshipping wasn’t it ?

She took up singing class too. She was decent at it, her hope for fame raised even more. Why not become a pop star ? Their’s singers that aren’t that good but still make a career for themselves because they have the good the look and an attitude.

Continuing on her quest to find her real calling, Ophelia borrowed even more money for dancing lessons. She knew she would not become a dancer, and nobody really considered a dancer a star. It was just to better herself, give herself more tools to succeed.

She had boyfriends. More or less, she used them for money, and they used her for her body.

Once she gathered enough money to go conquer the West. Ophelia drove to Hollywood, ready to own the entertainment industry.

Her beauty gave her access to powerful men. Powerful men that gave her a flat in that downtown L.A. where she’s still living in as you reading this.

After false promises by those men, the young women decided to hunt for fame by herself. Going from casting to casting to never having a call back.

Until her good star intervened.

One day, some men in the street asked her for her contact information. He needed someone like her for his project.

Arriving in the studio of that mysterious artist (or businessman) the aspiring actress had to undress in front of the camera and have sex with him.

And she did. That’s how Hollywood worked right ? Nothing new in having sex in exchange for a part in a movie. Plus, she came out of there with a good amount of cash ! This was probably the start, finally, of her career !

Execpted that this sex session ended up on internet. Without her consent.

And the businessman contacted her again. The returns where insanely positive ! The public wanted more of her. More of her nakedness having sex in front of a camera.

She took the opportunity.

Ophelia became a star, a pornstar.

Her family cut ties with her, she was alone. Alone but making money. Not rich thought.

She was famous. Kind of.

Was she disappointed ? Yes.

Did she felt trapped ? Not really. Porn stars have become regular actresses and singers after finding stardom in the porn industry. She will use pornography as her springboard to stardom, the real one.

But people only saw in her the pornographic actress.

She was in fact trapped.

Ophelia still live, hoping for a miracle that will probably never happen. But she’s got hope and nobody can take this out from her. Not you, not even me.

Jaskiers