I was just a boy before I’ve met you.
I remember our first day as lover. In you flat, with your friend, I often felt out of place many times in my life but you made me fell welcome. This wasn’t easy for me to spend the day with you, at first I thought it would be. I was wrong, simply wrong. There is thing in life that doesn’t need explaining, like that feeling I had with you. If I could describe it, I would say that your love was my home. I haven’t had to force myself into playing a role, I was just myself. In fact, a better self, you had this effect on me, the only thing in the world that cured me from my mental illness, my demons, my fears, my sins. No need of pills or chemical treatment with you… well no, in fact, love do a weird chemical thing in our brain, that lead to happiness.
So there I was, with you and your friends, that were about to leave and all I could think about, is the night, our first night we would spend together. I was anxious for the night, but also looking forward to seeing another side of your love. I hoped I would enough for you.
We both talked about living with each other, so early in a relationship. The wise men say « fools rush in » and we were fools, but full of hope and of love.
That first day, we managed to visit some flat to live together. We hadn’t had much money, being together under a roof was already luxury for us.
Remember, that dusty old flat that we visited. With those creepy neighbors, telling us about how awful it was to leave there. We knew we wouldn’t leave there, but that feeling of a maybe, a future, together was so strong that we visited another flat. Same as before, we couldn’t say it was a roof that we would have above our head.
Then, a friend of yours wanted to see you, you and your new boyfriend. I was fine with it, as long as I was with you.
She started looking for trouble in the thrift shop we were in and we decided to leave her alone, in her mess.
We ran like fools, you with your high heels, your arm tucked under mine. I let you decide our escape route, we couldn’t stop laughing at the simple thought of your friend finding out we left her alone, with a pissed off shopkeeper.
And then, two straits dogs came toward us. They just looked at us and ran away. It was a sign to me, you, a dog, a home and that all I needed.
How could have we thought life would have kept us together? Happiness, some say, come at a cost. What do we had to pay?
I was in the light with you, I was ready to get up, no, better, rise up for you.
How could have I known that the car would not stop? How could I have known that somehow, this random car would take you away from me forever?
How can I live with your scream of agony, for mercy, for help, forever roaming in my mind?
I don’t thing about retaliation nor justice.
My soul wanders in the dark now, until we meet again.
Sorry wouldn’t be a word that you would have like for me to say to you.
I will hold on to your memory, your love, your light that I will search all my life.
Never, ever, I’m sure, I will meet someone like you.
But I know, deep down or high up, there is a place waiting for us both, and not a miserable flat.
We could call it heaven, if being with you is what’s waiting for me at the end of my road.