[Inspired by Red Dead Redemption 2 – Warning: Spoiler]
As I watch some wild boars devastating the grass at the far end of the forest, I stay here, wondering if smallpox do the same kind of mayhem in my lungs than those wild animals makes in the forest. It probably looks like that in there, like a tornado just have passed.
Coughing blood after every intense activity, seeing myself, my body, weakened, this is probably the end, or at least, this is very close to it.
What’s left of me? A child that die after three hours of being born. And a wife, well, a «should have been wife» that do everything to forget me, friends that I will leave in need, a father figure going mad and a country that is changing way, way too much and way too fast.
Everyone keep telling me that I am a good man, that there is a side of me that is kind but it’s being overshadowed by the evil side, the one that keep thinking and hanging on a lifestyle that doesn’t belong in this new era we are entering in.
What a life, I had a good run. What happen to me is payback for all the ill I’ve done. There is a justice after all. At least, It’s look like it. This is at the very moment that death is around the corner that I finally realise that I have spent my time chasing ghost. And I have left a pile of dreadful things along the way.
What matter to me was nature, the Wild West, the anarchy and the poison of every god damn man in this world, money!
Damn! Money can’t buy me new lungs!
I wish I could have spent more time with that old Native American, riding next to him to the top of the mountain where is used to meditate and think.
Thinking! I have forgotten how to think! Like a raging bull, I’ve been going through life without planning what was waiting for me at the end. And the crash is my illness.
It’s all about love life isn’t it? What’s make us truly happy, for real? Have you noticed how falling in love was the most incredible and powerful things you could experience? It’s… rejuvenating! It’s something that bound us all, human beings. Everything seems pale next to being in love.
We don’t necessarily do great things when we are in love either, but at least, we do it for the most beautiful reason.
I had the chance to love and to be loved. That was a short period of my life, but the happiest one.
Years have gone by so fast! So fast! I always knew I will die young or, at least, not old. I was afraid to be old. And now, I wish I had this opportunity to grow old. Even alone, you don’t need someone to be happy, really.
If I could choose, I would have been a rancher. For once in my life, being stable. Here comes the time when the body can’t travel or being on the run, he can’t handle it anymore.
I would have had horses, cattle, a dog and a cat.
I would smoke a cigar on my porch, drinking whisky as I watch the sun set. Until I die.
But this kind of death isn’t for me, sadly.
The boars are now gone.
And I’m going on my last ride.
I’ll miss nature.
Maybe the other side, if there is one, is ready to welcome me. I hope so at least. I hope whatever decide our faith over here will see the good side of me, if there is one.
Can’t even take one good last breath, I guess I’m punished now to rest peacefully later.
I hope. Some people say faith is more important than anything. If think not. Love is.
Hope keep us going and love give us a purpose and a meaning.
Goodbye.
Jaskiers
Jaskiers 